Learnings from opportunities

Dear readers,

A few of us friends decided to write a guest post on each other's blog. We all have blogs on different topics and we felt that this way, we would broaden our own horizons and learn to write about something that is out of our comfort zones.

This post has been penned by one of my oldest friends. Geetali writes a wonderful blog called http://olio-gallimaufry.blogspot.com/ on a variety of things primarily around Shimla, poetry, photography and anything else that catches her fancy. I have known Geetali now for over 25 years and she has been with me through thick and thin. She has been the best friend anybody could have asked for - helping me laugh, cry, vent my frustrations, introspect, reflect... 

Thank you, Geetali - for everything. 

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All of us have had that one year which we look at as our special Annus Horribilis. I had two: 2007 and 2008. This post is about lessons learnt from them.

Human beings are like animals in certain aspects. When hurt, we too like to crawl into a dark space to lick our wounds. When hurt beyond measure by other people, a normal reaction is to reject all humanity, to sweep off all relationships out from our lives, at least temporarily. That is what happened to me too. Every interface became a punishment. Every call for a coffee, a silent chastisement of a less-than-perfect life. Every invitation to a party, a sentence to be somehow endured.

However, with the passage of time, I discovered two things. One, you cannot mourn forever. Two, lock yourself up at home, and you will find yourself less and less inclined to step out. Then, the less you step out, the less inclined will your friends be to call you out, because they are sensitive to your situation. I was rapidly getting trapped in my ability to say ‘’no’’. This ability, which stood me in great stead most times, now stood between me, the human race and new learning.

A friend asked me if I’d join him for dinner. He said it would be just a few people, but the highlight would be a talk over dinner by a well-known poet. “I don’t think I can make it”, I answered. “Why? Are you busy that evening?” “Well...”, I hesitated. I couldn’t trip off an easy lie and the truth was too hard to tell. The truth was that I planned to spend the evening alternatively hidden behind a book and the laptop screen. Both realities I felt I could control. People, on the other hand, were a different story. “So”, my friend persisted “You’d rather be in your cocoon forever?” Oh, fine. I’ll come, I said in exasperation.

And so began 2009: my year of saying yes. I decided that I would keep myself busy while my grief played itself out. I would agree to every invitation, every challenge that came my way. At that time, it seemed like a good panacea to the gutting loneliness which surrounded me.

That evening at Peter’s turned out to be a lively one, filled with poetry, laughter and insights. I didn’t know a soul there, except my host, yet I came away with a pleasant glow of having heard a few new ideas that night.

Next came an invitation to do a piece of work: something I’ve long been interested in. My current work role was not connected with it, but I agreed to being in the project anyway. Being an “outsider” helped me be more objective. It showed me how to give my all to an assignment just for its own sake. It also gained me a close friend in a colleague who had been a stranger so far.

Another opportunity landed at my feet. My friend Billy, a painter and scholar, shuns modern technology. One day he asked me to type, proof-read and if necessary, edit, a piece he had written about the temple architecture of Himachal Pradesh. I did the needful. In the process, many unknown facts  unravelled before my eyes. By the end of the week, my curiosity had been piqued enough for me to read up more on this unique style of architecture. By the end of the year, I had gained numerous insights into the history and culture of the state.

We were a small group of professionals, burning midnight oil on a tough assignment. Les had caught my attention with his dry one-liners, his refusal to take no for an answer and his single-minded dedication to our task. One late evening, he asked me if I’d like to have coffee with him. I panicked. I hadn’t been single for a decade and a half and had forgotten the rules of dating. But I went. No, Les and I did not meet, fall in love, or get married. But we became friends and each other’s cheerleaders!

During 2009, I would be a prompter in a play put up by friends, act as a guide for out-of-town visitors and develop a 365-photos-a-year project and judge a debating competition. I would teach a small module of poetry to a group of bright teenagers. I would gain a working knowledge of Punjabi.

I said “yes” to everything and I am happy I did. Had I said “no” I would have missed out on so much fun, so much knowledge, so many interesting people and experiences.  Cocooned in my home, I would have remained numb and static, deprived of all that I saw, heard, learned that year.

For sure, I have not become a brilliant photographer (yet!). I am yet to pen an award-winning play, or write a learned book. But at least I have let go of the layers of despair. Beyond that, I have learnt to see life as an exercise of leaping onto a boat and sailing off into the horizon, with all its enchanting possibilities. Life is about opening up and allowing possibilities to come to us. They may not bring dazzling success with them. They may not change things for us drastically. Every action does not have to be seen in the light of triumph or failure. But at the very least, we are the better as humans for having performed our little role in the unfolding drama of life.  

By saying "yes", I have had a host of experiences and challenges, all of which have helped me to:

-          Evaluate my current situation and accept it

-          Make friends with people I might otherwise have never met

-          Gain insights into what brings excitement and energy

-          Weed out those activities I did not enjoy without guilt

-          Discover new talents and skills within myself