Dr. Milton Erickson and the Milton Model of speech

As you sit there at your computers reading this post of mine, I know you are wondering if I've lost my mind. And it is a good thing to wonder, because, if you didn't wonder, it would mean you were not thinking. And thinking is good because, everybody says so. All the time! One should think, don't you think? I know you are thinking just what I am thinking about to be writing this. I also know you are thinking if this is something you would like to continue reading or to not continue reading, isn't it? Not that thinking is not a bad thing, it is not even that thinking is not such a not good thing, it just happens. Thinking good thoughts... or thinking bad thoughts... they are both thinking. And while we think, we do and so obviously, our thinking has a lot of influence on what we do. We also think as we do and so our doing has a lot of influence on our thinking. And they are neither of them a bad thing or a good think, don't you think?

At the same time, thinking brings about a change and change... changes everything. So will you start to change now... or in a few minutes from now? It is only human beings that can change, you know. The notion of motion of change in itself means that for change to happen, there has to be ... motion! And that means, that while walls have ears and a chair can have feelings, they cannot essentially... change!

Thinkers and Perceivers are on two ends of the spectrum and yet, thinkers perceive and perceivers think. Thoughts lead to perceptions and perceptions lead to thoughts. Interesting conundrum - which comes first? One might wonder... just as you are wondering whether I've lost my mind and you are wondering if you need to call for some professional help!

OK! Before you start calling for help, let me explain what the above is an example of. The above pattern is an example of how Dr. Milton Erickson, who was one of the finest psychologists and hypno-therapists of our time, used language to work with his patients. Dr. Erickson was "artfully vague" and purposefully spoke in the abstract, because that was the way, he said, one could bypass the critical faculty and speak directly with the unconscious mind of the individual. Dr. Erickson was successfully modelled by the founders of NLP - Richard Bandler and John Grinder and that gave rise to the Milton Model in NLP. The Milton model puts people into a light trance, which is what you must have felt while reading the above. "HUH? What is she rambling about? Let me go back and read it once again, just to make sure I've understood what she is saying here" or "What on earth? Why am I still reading this?" must have been some of the thoughts that ran through your head. Didn't it?


See, we have an unconscious mind. That part of us that holds our emotions, guards our memories and brings back unresolved issues for us periodically to find resolution. Our unconscious mind is in charge of our emotional well-being. Now just think and reflect for a minute. You know that you can be the best at anything you choose to do, but something stops you. What is that something? Would it be useful for you to let go of that limiting belief or fear that you have? How can you let go of that, as long as your conscious, logical mind is with you - telling you about all that could go wrong on that journey... all the show stoppers that you could encounter on the way... How can you let go off the fears that ground you and soar like an eagle, when your conscious mind constantly intrudes and holds up a mirror, to show you your worst fears? So Dr. Erickson said, in order to make a change and make it successfully, it was essential to install that change in one's unconscious mind. 


Let me tell you a story - when Dr. Erickson was 17 years old, he had a bad bout of polio. One evening, he heard the doctor tell his mother that he would not survive and would die. Dr. Erickson determined that he would not die. He decided that he would live. He asked his father to open the windows so he could watch the sunset. Dr. Erickson focused on the sunset and determined to himself - thus sending a very strong message to his unconscious mind - that he would watch more such sunsets. He says that his concentration was solely on the sunset - so much so, that he failed to recognise the presence of other objects that lay between his bed and the glorious sunset he was watching. The only picture in his mind was the sunset and his determination that he would see more such sunsets. Not only did he live, he was nearly 80 when he died. 


That, my dear friends and readers, is a small example of the power we carry within ourselves. The power to heal, the power to carry us to great heights, the power to create our own future and our destinies. The power to imagine, dream and convert that imagination and dream to the physical world, that we call reality.


After all, what is reality, one wonders. Isn't what happens inside of us reality? 

Principles of Success

Based on principles and beliefs of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and from work of The Tad James Co.


I have been studying hard to be certified as a trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming. NLP, my dear readers, is the study of how we interpret our world around us and communicate internally, thus creating our reality. NLP practitioners have a strong belief: "everyone has all the resources they need to be successful. There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states".


Isn't that true? Reflect upon yourself. What makes you successful in some things and unsuccessful in other things? Okay, before we go on, let us define the term "Success". My trusty Pocket Oxford defines Success as "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose". Carrying on with this definition, what is it that enables you to accomplish something and not accomplish certain other things? You have the resources at your disposal. You have your intelligence, your resources to gain knowledge / information, you have your diligence and hard work... why then do you succeed so well at some things and not so well at certain other things? 


The difference is in your state of mind. I realised this very clearly when as a little girl, I learnt both classical dance and music. I loved music and singing - I was able to make an internal picture of myself singing - and learnt that quicker. It became a fun exercise for me, while dance became a chore - something that had to be endured - a punishment even. I went for my singing lessons with a light step and a highly motivated state of mind and that told on my success in accomplishing that task. I went to dance lessons with a heavy heart and dragging feet. I was bored and did not pay attention to the lesson. The end result? Rudolph Nureyev can rest easy. No competition to him from yours truly :-)


We can be successful at anything we set our minds to. It is simple to do: all it requires is for us to do it! 


The theory:


=> We create an internal representation of events around us; or even of future events. This internal representation is made up of visuals, sounds, feelings, tastes and sounds. All of this is then bound together quite firmly with our self talk. I had written about self talk in an earlier blog post of mine called "Living with our inner voice". 


=> This internal representation is intimately coupled to our state of mind. That is why, images of certain future events bring us to a happy state and certain images make us sad or depressed or even angry or frustrated.


=> Our physiology is linked with our state of mind and this in turn gives rise to our behaviours. Think about it for a moment - reflect on how you behave when you are happy versus when you are frustrated or demotivated.


=> Our behaviours drive our results and results determine whether we have been successful or not.


So in short, work on your internal representation and the rest falls into place! 


Easy, isn't it? Now here are 5 principles that you can study, reflect and choose to act upon.


1. Know your outcome. Ask yourself, "what is it specifically that I want"? When your conscious mind responds with something you don't want, replace that with a picture of what you want. Your unconscious mind, which is your strongest ally in this task, is best at processing positives. Always picture your outcomes in the positive. I have coached people who when I ask for their goal, start to tell me what they don't like or want from their current life. I always tell them, "Don't tell me what you don't want. Tell me what you want".


Imbue the picture with bright and vibrant colours, soothing and motivating sounds and strong, positive feelings. Smell and taste the feelings of success. Bind all of these together with strong internal speak.


2. Take action. Once you know what you want, start actioning it. It is not enough to want something, it is equally - if not more - important to start actioning it. For an imagined future to become the present reality, it is important to take action towards it. 


3. Develop sensory insights into others. People make minute changes from moment to moment. These changes have meaning only when we are able to observe them with enough sensory insights. Since none of us is an island, our success depends on the people around us. By developing sensory insights, we will be able to observe the impact we have on our surroundings with our behaviours. Our observations will also tell us what we need to carry on doing and what we need to change in order to be more successful.


4. Develop behavioural flexibility. It is a well-known fact that flexibility is a strength, isn't it? Adapting to changing situations, keeping the end result in mind is one of the strongest principles of success. Think of a long distance runner who has a goal to complete the marathon within a specified time limit.  The runner never loses track of the outcome and at the same time is flexible enough to change his running patterns depending on the terrain, the opposition and other factors. Similarly, once you develop a keen sensory insight and are able to observe the impact of your actions, you then need to develop the flexibility to modify state of mind and behaviours, so alternative action can be taken if needed.


5. Operate from a physiology and psychology of excellence. Pay attention to what is going on inside your head and ask yourself if this is the psychology of excellence. Match your physiology to the excellent psychology and see where that gets you. Remember what they say, "it is all in your head". That is so true! Watch and pay attention to your body language - your posture, your tone, pitch and timbre of your voice, your eyes... your physiology must be strong and positive. It ought to reflect the success you have pictured in your head.


I cannot emphasise enough times that all of this - like the rest of my posts - are practical, doable tips. I never write anything out here that I have not used myself. I'd like to repeat one thing - it is easy, you just need to do it!


As always, I want you to comment and give me feedback. Please, please do share your learnings. Sharing is the best way to learn and grow. Thank you for reading my blog.


Other posts on related topics:


http://reikirhapsody.blogspot.com/2010/09/adopt-winning-attitude-break-board.html
http://icosahedra.blogspot.com/2010/08/why-try-just-do-it.html
http://icosahedra.blogspot.com/2010/08/looking-back-with-satisfaction-no.html

Respect the other person's model of the world

A key aspect of relationships has always been 'Respect'. With the way businesses have changed in recent years and the emphasis on human relations and values-led leadership these days, 'Respect' has become even more critical.

The demonstration of respect differs from country to country. What Asians construe as a demonstration of respect might be viewed in a very different light in Europe or the Americas. I remember talking to a French colleague of mine, who was scandalised by a behaviour he had observed on the Indian sub-continent. The practice of a younger person touching the feet of an older or senior person. My colleague thought this was repugnant, not understanding that this was a symbol of respect.

So what is this respect? One of the definitions from my trusty Oxford Dictionary is "consideration for the feelings or rights of other people". When I trained on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), we went through the NLP Pre-suppositions - a list of beliefs that all NLP practitioners are encouraged to explore and adopt. One of these beliefs said, "Respect the other person's model of the world". Ah-ha! Now that is interesting, isn't it? We had some major conversations around this one. "So am I supposed to respect the model of the world of a child abuser?", one asked. "How can I condone a murder or a crime? How am I supposed to respect that model of the world?". These were questions that came out from across the room and questions I still hear today.

Taking a step backward, what is this "model of the world"? Each of us creates our own perception of the world around us based on our experiences, knowledge, education, upbringing, religious faith, beliefs and values. Can two people therefore have the same model of the world? Most likely not! Can I ever view the world from another's perspective? Not while I apply my experiences, my knowledge, my education, upbringing, religious faith, beliefs and values to that model. What one has to do then is to suspend their senses and feelings and their model of the world for a short time and use the other individual's senses and feelings to view the world. That will then give one the perspective required to understand the choices the other person is making. That will answer the question, "why is this person behaving in this manner?".

Once we perceive the world through the other's senses and feelings, we are able to then behave in a manner which shows consideration for their feelings. As leaders we are able to remain non-judgmental about the choices they make. At the same time if the individual is seeking help or support to make changes to their model of the world, you as a leader can provide that support. This helps you remain impartial and objective and additionally, you have just explored newer horizons, thus broadening your own personality.

I used a technique with my French colleague to help him understand the behaviour of touching feet. I had him explore his world view of respect and how it is demonstrated. I then had him step into the shoes of an individual from the Indian sub-continent. I had him explore that model by viewing the world through this other person's experiences, background, faith, beliefs and values. He had a completely new experience and he was then able to empathise with that behaviour better.

One last thing - understanding and empathising with the other person's model of the world is not the same as  accepting it as right or wrong. It is for you as a leader to understand and accept that your people's choices and behaviours are dictated by their model of the world, just like yours are. That acceptance is the first step in the journey to respecting others.

As always, I need your comments and feedback. I am still new at this and the only way I can get better is for you to tell me how I can get better at it. If you wish to read about a particular subject, please do let me know and I will do my best to bring it to you.