The 3 Cs – Competition, Comparison, Creativity

It never ceases to amaze me how much the advent of the PC (and I don't mean Politically Correct) has changed our lives. By the 90s, email had made it so much easier to reach out to friends that lived around the world and today, it is equally easy - if not easier - to reach out to people we have never met in the "real" world. I hear a lot of talk about the dangers of social networking and the dangers that the internet technology bring with it. Sure, it is a double edged sword and sure it can cause as much harm as it does good. At the same time, I am very gung-ho about it and I have good reasons. I have re-bonded with old friends and made some excellent new acquaintances, Varsha being a prime example. 

Varsha and I neither live in the same city nor did study at the same universities and we don't work together. We met on the internet through a common friend. We share some common interests in blogging, poetry and music. Varsha, like myself, Ranjani and Geetali signed up enthusiastically to the idea of guest blogging for each other and today's post is her contribution to our humble enterprise. 

I am sure you will all enjoy reading Varsha's insights into how she got out of the self-defeating cycle of competition and comparison. Varsha is the author of a superb blog on wellness called Wholesome Options. Do take a look!

Well done, Varsha...

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The best self development strategy that I have internalized over time is to let go of the need to fit in and the need to compete.

From the time we are children, we are taught to blend in – to be the permission-seeking, obedient, studious type that our teachers want us to be. Anybody who broke the mold was considered rebellious and immediately labeled “TROUBLE”.

So somehow or the other I ended up being unhappy with my inability to fit in with the dominant crowd and felt quite inadequate and if not incompetent, less supremely competent by comparison.

Some time in early adulthood I met Ruchi – who sadly I have lost touch with. Ruchi, like me, did not fit in at all. In the coiffured, made-up, ultra-feminine, Chandigarh University crowd of the early nineties, she stood out with her dark, athletic, brash “can-do-ness”. A North Indian by birth but a South Indian by upbringing, she defied definitions as a matter of course. The relish with which she questioned things and scoffed at all the dos wowed me.

With her I learnt – for the first time – to celebrate being myself.

In most workplaces (and mine is no exception), the default mode is to constantly look over the shoulder and check out stuff. What is the other office doing? What is the precedent about this? What will that person wear in the Big Meeting? The pattern observed is “Score but also fit in” or maybe it is a case of “the more you score- the better you fit in?”

Over a period of time, I have come to realize that this behaviour of competing and comparing is fuelled by fear - the fear of not winning or the fear of looking silly or stupid or incompetent. I realized that operating out of fear made me unhappy. It dulled any feelings of “can-do” I had. What brought back that “can-do” attitude was connecting with my core values and devoting time and energy to things I cared for deeply.

Let me take an example: at work, I have started to nurture little ‘Bursts of Happiness” that come from doing things that fulfill me in some way. What happens then is there is a dramatic spin-off on the regulated, responsibility bound, official part of me. Instead of looking for precedents, I am able to make small creative dents in the hide-bound carapace that I function in.

To get out of the comparison and competition cycle, the 3^rd C has been extremely helpful – Creativity. Thinking creatively and outside the box helps with – as mentioned before – nurturing the little burst of happiness. It is a strange paradox, but sometimes the ability to throw logic out, actually makes logical thinking easier.

Moving out of the comparison / competition trap in two small steps:

1.       Identify what really matters to you. What makes you happy and satisfied and why?

2.      Make time and space in your life for the things that really matter.

Just do this consistently and notice how it makes you feel. You will see that:

ð     You start to feel happier and more at peace

ð     Your mind becomes fertile and creative because you are happy

ð     Paradoxically, this makes you more sensible, willing to learn and less egoistic