Looking back with satisfaction - no regrets and if onlys...

An important belief we adopt as NLP practitioners is that 'people have all the resources they need in order to be successful'. Sounds great, huh? What does it mean on a daily basis? It means that at any given point in time, we have access to all the resources we need in order to be successful at what we do. One may choose not to employ all those resources, but that does not take away from the fact that they have resources at their disposal. I believe that I am at my best at every given moment of my life. 


So where is the point in having regrets and indulging in a pointless 'if only...' exercise? Granted, "if only..." is a very interesting game and helps in passing time and fantasising about what could have been. "If only I had been more serious about my studies in college", "if only I had gone ahead and pursued my interest in becoming an archaeologist", "if only I had taken the turn off at the previous signal...".  Can any amount of pondering and fantasising change the current reality? No! If you could go back to that point of time, would you do things differently? The answer is "NO". 


This learning was facilitated for me by my friend and business partner, Charlie Lang. Charlie writes a wonderful blog called 'What's up with Charlie Lang?'. You can find him at http://progressu.blogspot.com/2010/08/back-on-blog.html. Anyway, Charlie and I were having a conversation in Hong Kong a few years ago about a certain decision I was regretting and he was the one who first pointed out the futility of this exercise to me. The learning has been reinforced by my other life experiences as well as my work in NLP.

Let's try out something:

Can you remember a time when you took a decision; a decision that you regret today? If yes, can you go back to that moment? If you are confident you can, then:

• Find a quite room or corner and sit with your eyes closed.
• Now go back to that point in time when you took that decision. Take on the persona of the individual you were then. Bring back to mind your knowledge at that point in time, all your life experiences till then... remember the beliefs you had at that point in time - what did you consider important...
• Once you are at that crossroad, ask yourself, "What is my decision? Is it going to be different to what I had taken then?"

Mark my words: 10 times out of 10, you will do the very same thing you did at that time. Remember, when indulging in a "if only..." exercise today, we are using the extra knowledge and experience that time has given us. This extra knowledge and experience has had a significant impact on our beliefs and our attitudes and what we consider important in life. This gives us hindsight, which as well know is quite an exact science.

Employ the following beliefs:

• Believe in yourself! 
• Believe in what you are doing - remember you have all the resources to be at your very best at any given moment. Believe that you are employing all the resources you need at any given moment. 
• Believe that every decision you are taking is for a purpose that makes absolute sense to you at that point of time in your life

Adopt these beliefs and bring them to consciousness each time you find yourself indulging in an "if only..." exercise. It will save you a lot of regrets.