A key aspect of relationships has always been 'Respect'. With the way businesses have changed in recent years and the emphasis on human relations and values-led leadership these days, 'Respect' has become even more critical.
The demonstration of respect differs from country to country. What Asians construe as a demonstration of respect might be viewed in a very different light in Europe or the Americas. I remember talking to a French colleague of mine, who was scandalised by a behaviour he had observed on the Indian sub-continent. The practice of a younger person touching the feet of an older or senior person. My colleague thought this was repugnant, not understanding that this was a symbol of respect.
So what is this respect? One of the definitions from my trusty Oxford Dictionary is "consideration for the feelings or rights of other people". When I trained on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), we went through the NLP Pre-suppositions - a list of beliefs that all NLP practitioners are encouraged to explore and adopt. One of these beliefs said, "Respect the other person's model of the world". Ah-ha! Now that is interesting, isn't it? We had some major conversations around this one. "So am I supposed to respect the model of the world of a child abuser?", one asked. "How can I condone a murder or a crime? How am I supposed to respect that model of the world?". These were questions that came out from across the room and questions I still hear today.
Taking a step backward, what is this "model of the world"? Each of us creates our own perception of the world around us based on our experiences, knowledge, education, upbringing, religious faith, beliefs and values. Can two people therefore have the same model of the world? Most likely not! Can I ever view the world from another's perspective? Not while I apply my experiences, my knowledge, my education, upbringing, religious faith, beliefs and values to that model. What one has to do then is to suspend their senses and feelings and their model of the world for a short time and use the other individual's senses and feelings to view the world. That will then give one the perspective required to understand the choices the other person is making. That will answer the question, "why is this person behaving in this manner?".
Once we perceive the world through the other's senses and feelings, we are able to then behave in a manner which shows consideration for their feelings. As leaders we are able to remain non-judgmental about the choices they make. At the same time if the individual is seeking help or support to make changes to their model of the world, you as a leader can provide that support. This helps you remain impartial and objective and additionally, you have just explored newer horizons, thus broadening your own personality.
I used a technique with my French colleague to help him understand the behaviour of touching feet. I had him explore his world view of respect and how it is demonstrated. I then had him step into the shoes of an individual from the Indian sub-continent. I had him explore that model by viewing the world through this other person's experiences, background, faith, beliefs and values. He had a completely new experience and he was then able to empathise with that behaviour better.
One last thing - understanding and empathising with the other person's model of the world is not the same as accepting it as right or wrong. It is for you as a leader to understand and accept that your people's choices and behaviours are dictated by their model of the world, just like yours are. That acceptance is the first step in the journey to respecting others.
As always, I need your comments and feedback. I am still new at this and the only way I can get better is for you to tell me how I can get better at it. If you wish to read about a particular subject, please do let me know and I will do my best to bring it to you.
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