The other day, in the midst of an argument with my other half, I heard myself say, "you are so judgmental". That brought me up short - wasn't I being judgmental too? As human beings, is it ever possible to be non-judgmental? We are programmed from a very young age to have judgments. Children who know how to pass judgments are said to be bright, intelligent, the brains of tomorrow. As parents and teachers, we tell them, "this is beautiful", "this is the RIGHT thing to do", "I just saw X doing doing something idiotic"... the list goes on.
Contrarily, as the head of training and HR, one of the mantras I constantly heard (and have been guilty of chanting myself) is "be non-judgmental". As business leaders, we are constantly told not to sit in judgment, but to empathise and to "look at it from the other person's perspective". Unconsciously a judgment is passed when one fails to do this - "Mr /Ms. X is very judgmental". But can one really suspend judgment? The answer is a clear resounding,"NO". What one can do is to suspend our initial judgment and to refrain from acting upon it. To be seen as non-judgmental therefore, here are a few things one can do:
1. Acknowledge the instinctive judgment for what it is, without feeling guilty about it. Every single human being WILL have that initial response to an external event.
2. Convert the judgment to 'appreciative enquiry'. Say to yourself, "to me, this feels like Mr. / Ms. X is being idiotic. Let me ask them what makes them do this".
3. Prepare yourself to listen to what lies beneath the words - the feelings, the emotions and the driving beliefs
4. Ask the questions, "What makes you do this?", "How does this benefit you?" and "What makes this important to you?"
This is a kind of loop - you will find yourself making instinctive judgments throughout this process. Follow this 4-step process and believe you me, very soon, accolades about you being "understanding and completely non-judgmental" will be heaped on you.
Please do send me your comments and thoughts. "There is no criticism in feedback, only learning"
Very interesting perspective, Asha !
ReplyDeletei agree with your statement that, it is not humanly possible to suspend judgement about events that happen around you. What could be done is to stay away from making 'judgement' based on preconceived notions, bias, prejudice approach ! Easier said, than done :)
Like the steps !
Thanks
Sree
Thank you for your comments, Sree. I believe that most things in life are easier said than done. Funnily enough, a good friend of mine runs a workshop called 'Easier Done than Said' :-)
ReplyDeleteI was tentatively planning for my next post to be on 'limiting self beliefs' and your comment has only helped me to firm up on that idea. Thank you once again.
Cheers,
Asha