Principles of Success

Based on principles and beliefs of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and from work of The Tad James Co.


I have been studying hard to be certified as a trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming. NLP, my dear readers, is the study of how we interpret our world around us and communicate internally, thus creating our reality. NLP practitioners have a strong belief: "everyone has all the resources they need to be successful. There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states".


Isn't that true? Reflect upon yourself. What makes you successful in some things and unsuccessful in other things? Okay, before we go on, let us define the term "Success". My trusty Pocket Oxford defines Success as "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose". Carrying on with this definition, what is it that enables you to accomplish something and not accomplish certain other things? You have the resources at your disposal. You have your intelligence, your resources to gain knowledge / information, you have your diligence and hard work... why then do you succeed so well at some things and not so well at certain other things? 


The difference is in your state of mind. I realised this very clearly when as a little girl, I learnt both classical dance and music. I loved music and singing - I was able to make an internal picture of myself singing - and learnt that quicker. It became a fun exercise for me, while dance became a chore - something that had to be endured - a punishment even. I went for my singing lessons with a light step and a highly motivated state of mind and that told on my success in accomplishing that task. I went to dance lessons with a heavy heart and dragging feet. I was bored and did not pay attention to the lesson. The end result? Rudolph Nureyev can rest easy. No competition to him from yours truly :-)


We can be successful at anything we set our minds to. It is simple to do: all it requires is for us to do it! 


The theory:


=> We create an internal representation of events around us; or even of future events. This internal representation is made up of visuals, sounds, feelings, tastes and sounds. All of this is then bound together quite firmly with our self talk. I had written about self talk in an earlier blog post of mine called "Living with our inner voice". 


=> This internal representation is intimately coupled to our state of mind. That is why, images of certain future events bring us to a happy state and certain images make us sad or depressed or even angry or frustrated.


=> Our physiology is linked with our state of mind and this in turn gives rise to our behaviours. Think about it for a moment - reflect on how you behave when you are happy versus when you are frustrated or demotivated.


=> Our behaviours drive our results and results determine whether we have been successful or not.


So in short, work on your internal representation and the rest falls into place! 


Easy, isn't it? Now here are 5 principles that you can study, reflect and choose to act upon.


1. Know your outcome. Ask yourself, "what is it specifically that I want"? When your conscious mind responds with something you don't want, replace that with a picture of what you want. Your unconscious mind, which is your strongest ally in this task, is best at processing positives. Always picture your outcomes in the positive. I have coached people who when I ask for their goal, start to tell me what they don't like or want from their current life. I always tell them, "Don't tell me what you don't want. Tell me what you want".


Imbue the picture with bright and vibrant colours, soothing and motivating sounds and strong, positive feelings. Smell and taste the feelings of success. Bind all of these together with strong internal speak.


2. Take action. Once you know what you want, start actioning it. It is not enough to want something, it is equally - if not more - important to start actioning it. For an imagined future to become the present reality, it is important to take action towards it. 


3. Develop sensory insights into others. People make minute changes from moment to moment. These changes have meaning only when we are able to observe them with enough sensory insights. Since none of us is an island, our success depends on the people around us. By developing sensory insights, we will be able to observe the impact we have on our surroundings with our behaviours. Our observations will also tell us what we need to carry on doing and what we need to change in order to be more successful.


4. Develop behavioural flexibility. It is a well-known fact that flexibility is a strength, isn't it? Adapting to changing situations, keeping the end result in mind is one of the strongest principles of success. Think of a long distance runner who has a goal to complete the marathon within a specified time limit.  The runner never loses track of the outcome and at the same time is flexible enough to change his running patterns depending on the terrain, the opposition and other factors. Similarly, once you develop a keen sensory insight and are able to observe the impact of your actions, you then need to develop the flexibility to modify state of mind and behaviours, so alternative action can be taken if needed.


5. Operate from a physiology and psychology of excellence. Pay attention to what is going on inside your head and ask yourself if this is the psychology of excellence. Match your physiology to the excellent psychology and see where that gets you. Remember what they say, "it is all in your head". That is so true! Watch and pay attention to your body language - your posture, your tone, pitch and timbre of your voice, your eyes... your physiology must be strong and positive. It ought to reflect the success you have pictured in your head.


I cannot emphasise enough times that all of this - like the rest of my posts - are practical, doable tips. I never write anything out here that I have not used myself. I'd like to repeat one thing - it is easy, you just need to do it!


As always, I want you to comment and give me feedback. Please, please do share your learnings. Sharing is the best way to learn and grow. Thank you for reading my blog.


Other posts on related topics:


http://reikirhapsody.blogspot.com/2010/09/adopt-winning-attitude-break-board.html
http://icosahedra.blogspot.com/2010/08/why-try-just-do-it.html
http://icosahedra.blogspot.com/2010/08/looking-back-with-satisfaction-no.html

Respect the other person's model of the world

A key aspect of relationships has always been 'Respect'. With the way businesses have changed in recent years and the emphasis on human relations and values-led leadership these days, 'Respect' has become even more critical.

The demonstration of respect differs from country to country. What Asians construe as a demonstration of respect might be viewed in a very different light in Europe or the Americas. I remember talking to a French colleague of mine, who was scandalised by a behaviour he had observed on the Indian sub-continent. The practice of a younger person touching the feet of an older or senior person. My colleague thought this was repugnant, not understanding that this was a symbol of respect.

So what is this respect? One of the definitions from my trusty Oxford Dictionary is "consideration for the feelings or rights of other people". When I trained on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), we went through the NLP Pre-suppositions - a list of beliefs that all NLP practitioners are encouraged to explore and adopt. One of these beliefs said, "Respect the other person's model of the world". Ah-ha! Now that is interesting, isn't it? We had some major conversations around this one. "So am I supposed to respect the model of the world of a child abuser?", one asked. "How can I condone a murder or a crime? How am I supposed to respect that model of the world?". These were questions that came out from across the room and questions I still hear today.

Taking a step backward, what is this "model of the world"? Each of us creates our own perception of the world around us based on our experiences, knowledge, education, upbringing, religious faith, beliefs and values. Can two people therefore have the same model of the world? Most likely not! Can I ever view the world from another's perspective? Not while I apply my experiences, my knowledge, my education, upbringing, religious faith, beliefs and values to that model. What one has to do then is to suspend their senses and feelings and their model of the world for a short time and use the other individual's senses and feelings to view the world. That will then give one the perspective required to understand the choices the other person is making. That will answer the question, "why is this person behaving in this manner?".

Once we perceive the world through the other's senses and feelings, we are able to then behave in a manner which shows consideration for their feelings. As leaders we are able to remain non-judgmental about the choices they make. At the same time if the individual is seeking help or support to make changes to their model of the world, you as a leader can provide that support. This helps you remain impartial and objective and additionally, you have just explored newer horizons, thus broadening your own personality.

I used a technique with my French colleague to help him understand the behaviour of touching feet. I had him explore his world view of respect and how it is demonstrated. I then had him step into the shoes of an individual from the Indian sub-continent. I had him explore that model by viewing the world through this other person's experiences, background, faith, beliefs and values. He had a completely new experience and he was then able to empathise with that behaviour better.

One last thing - understanding and empathising with the other person's model of the world is not the same as  accepting it as right or wrong. It is for you as a leader to understand and accept that your people's choices and behaviours are dictated by their model of the world, just like yours are. That acceptance is the first step in the journey to respecting others.

As always, I need your comments and feedback. I am still new at this and the only way I can get better is for you to tell me how I can get better at it. If you wish to read about a particular subject, please do let me know and I will do my best to bring it to you.