Why try? Just do it...

Dr. Tad James, Master Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the creator of the Time Line Therapy (TM) was the first to bring this to my conscious attention. "When people say they will try, it is tantamount to them saying they won't do it", he said. Then recently, while reading Dr. Deepak Chopra, this very same message came to me again. Dr. Chopra makes an interesting point when he says that fish don't try to swim - they just swim. The sun does not try to rise each morning. It just does!


That got me thinking. What did I mean when I said I'd try to do something? I tried an experiment by consciously keeping tabs of the times I used the word "try" and you know what? 10 times out of 10, when I did not want to do something, I ended up saying, "Let me try". On the other hand, there was no hesitation in committing to doing something I wanted to do. 


"Trying" implies inaction. It implies a doubt, a message that communicates a reluctance to do something without actually saying the word "no". "I will try to get up early tomorrow morning and go for a run" never translates into actually going on that run. "I will try to reach the meeting on time" is a guarantee - you will be late for the meeting.


Trying is not a natural state of mind - it is something that we are trained to do as we grow up. Guess who the trainers are? Our parents and our teachers! Observe children around you. See how many times they use the word "try". Dare them to do something and they either pick up the dare or they say, "I can't do that". Children are direct in their responses and that is why one knows exactly where one stands with them. As the journey to adulthood progresses, children are programmed by their adults to become more sensitive to the feelings and sensitivities of others. That is when "try" becomes an integral part of one's vocabulary. 


We "try" because we don't want to hurt the sentiments of others. We "try" because we don't know how to say "NO" positively and politely. We "try" because we don't trust others to understand our position and our reasons.


So how do we stop "trying"?


1. Start to recognise consciously when you use the word "try". When you hear the word coming into your brain, put on the brakes mentally just before you utter it. 


2. State whatever you wish to say positively. The other day an acquaintance invited me for coffee. I began by saying,  "I will try". The minute I felt the dreaded 3-letter word come, I put on the brakes mentally. Over the screech of the brakes, I heard myself say, "I'd love to have a coffee with you. I just can't do it today, I am sorry".


3. Build the knowledge within yourself about the reasons why you don't want to do something. Facing up to an issue is the first step to resolving it. I was contracted by an organisation recently to design, develop and facilitate a leadership workshop. I heard myself say, "I will try to accomplish this...". All the way home, I asked myself exactly what it was that was causing me discomfort with the plan. I realised that I was not sure of my capability to deliver all the modules they wanted. When I presented my proposal to them, I used this learning and informed them clearly about the modules I was competent to deliver and those that I had not delivered before. I left the decision to them and told them that I'd consider bringing in another facilitator if they so wished. I got the contract and I was told that my being honest about what I would do, turned the deal in my favour. 


What's in it for you to stop trying?


1. When you stop trying, you start driving the vehicle of your life even more strongly. How empowering is that! Think about it for a minute - when you say, "I will try", you communicate to your unconscious mind an intent of having to do something, that you don't really want to do. If you later decide not to do what you had promised to try, you end up feeling guilty. On the other hand, if you do go out of your way to actually do it, a remnant of resentment could linger - because you HAD to do something you DID NOT WANT to do. When you stop trying, your decision is very clear and simple. You have already made your choice and you will abide by it. 


2. When you stop trying, you unconsciously communicate a message to others to stop trying with you. You will notice that the communication you receive also becomes more positive and action driven. There will be less ambiguity in your life as a result. "Jane said she will try... does that mean a yes or a no?" ceases to be. On the occasions when you do come across somebody saying "I will try", you are in a better position to actually ask for a decision and say, "Could you be more specific please?"


So how about it? Stop trying and start doing from today. Take your first step on this journey and see how you feel! And oh yes! Start doing it - don't try! 


Good luck and have a happy journey!

Learning from the Guru - Deepak Chopra

I was in the book store the other day and picked up Deepak Chopra's "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success". It is a fantastic book - easy to read and filled with great insights. For this post, I have decided to take out portions of the book that made me go, "W.O.W...". I hope I have not infringed on any copyrights  by doing this. My intention is pure - to spread the idea of self and awareness of self amongst more people and to share my feelings and thoughts about this book. 

Success in life can be defined as the continued expansion of happiness and the progressive realisation of worthy goals. There are many aspects to success, material wealth is only one of them. Moreover, success is a journey, it is not a destination. Success includes good health, energy and enthusiasm for life, fulfilling relationships, creative freedom and a sense of well being.

- Deepak Chopra

This definition of success just makes so much more sense to me. Just reflect on this: anything that is important to the self is a journey, isn't it? Learning is important to me and I always consider it to be ever flowing. Similarly, success, happiness, a quest for truth or even exploration - these all are journeys. Journeys to an unmanifest destination...


We define success based on our wants, interests and needs. Therefore, the constitution of success differs from person to person. Watching my daughter write the letter 'A', travelling overseas for the first time, watching a friend get over a personal loss and build her life... all these have been moments of success for me. This might sound funny to some, but when I filed my income tax returns for the first time in my life, I felt a sense of success. I had arrived - my salary was now high enough to merit paying tax!  


At the same time, not for one moment do I feel that I am a 100% success. There are still unchartered areas for me to go on... more things to do, to see and to experience.


THE LAW OF PURE POTENTIALITY

The first spiritual law of success says that our essential state is one of pure consciousness: the field of all possibilities and infinite creativity. Our physical body, the physical universe come from the same place: a field of silent, unmoving awareness from which anything is possible. This field is our own Self. Knowing who we really are gives us the ability to fulfill any dream we have. Anything is possible in the field of pure potentiality because this field is the source of all power, all intelligence and infinite organising ability.

- Deepak Chopra 

While reading this, an interesting anecdote came to mind: at the turn of the 19th century, a conversation was taking place amongst some people somewhere in the United States. Talk turned to the possibility of inventing a machine that could help people to fly. One of the guests took great umbrage and said this was not possible. "It is against the laws of God and nature", he boomed. A few decades later, man took wing and the Wright brothers invented the flying machine. The 20th century was redefined by this one single invention. Guess who the irate guest was! He was the man who fathered the Wright brothers. Irony or myopia, call it whatever you wish. The reality is that Orville and Wilbur Wright refused to be told what was possible and what was not. They set out to prove that anything is possible. 


Knowing ourself - what does that mean? We communicate with ourselves constantly - telling ourselves what we can and cannot do. What makes us look good, what is right, what is wrong... these conversations colour the way we perceive the outside world and actually, they also colour the way the outer world perceives us. Knowing myself therefore means knowing consciously what beliefs and values I hold dear. What are those beliefs that hold me back (self limiting beliefs) and that stop me from interacting directly with my self? What are those beliefs that act as fodder to my ego? A very powerful question I ask myself when I recognise such a belief is, "When did I choose to adopt this belief?" Believe me, the belief falls off like a snake's discarded skin when I pose this question to myself.


Deepak Chopra recommends the following actions in order to practice the 'Law of Pure Potentiality':

Take time each day to be silent, to connect with your spirit, to just Be.

 Practice non-judgement. Begin each day with the statement, "Today I shall judge nothing that occurs," and throughout the day remind yourself of that statement each time you catch yourself judging.

 Commune with nature. Silently observe the intelligence within everything. Watch a sunset, listen to the sound of the ocean or simply smell the scent of a flower.

I have already been practicing the 2nd suggestion and it has worked wonders for me. I now intend to start practicing the 1st and 3rd actions. How about you? Let me know how it goes...

Looking back with satisfaction - no regrets and if onlys...

An important belief we adopt as NLP practitioners is that 'people have all the resources they need in order to be successful'. Sounds great, huh? What does it mean on a daily basis? It means that at any given point in time, we have access to all the resources we need in order to be successful at what we do. One may choose not to employ all those resources, but that does not take away from the fact that they have resources at their disposal. I believe that I am at my best at every given moment of my life. 


So where is the point in having regrets and indulging in a pointless 'if only...' exercise? Granted, "if only..." is a very interesting game and helps in passing time and fantasising about what could have been. "If only I had been more serious about my studies in college", "if only I had gone ahead and pursued my interest in becoming an archaeologist", "if only I had taken the turn off at the previous signal...".  Can any amount of pondering and fantasising change the current reality? No! If you could go back to that point of time, would you do things differently? The answer is "NO". 


This learning was facilitated for me by my friend and business partner, Charlie Lang. Charlie writes a wonderful blog called 'What's up with Charlie Lang?'. You can find him at http://progressu.blogspot.com/2010/08/back-on-blog.html. Anyway, Charlie and I were having a conversation in Hong Kong a few years ago about a certain decision I was regretting and he was the one who first pointed out the futility of this exercise to me. The learning has been reinforced by my other life experiences as well as my work in NLP.

Let's try out something:

Can you remember a time when you took a decision; a decision that you regret today? If yes, can you go back to that moment? If you are confident you can, then:

• Find a quite room or corner and sit with your eyes closed.
• Now go back to that point in time when you took that decision. Take on the persona of the individual you were then. Bring back to mind your knowledge at that point in time, all your life experiences till then... remember the beliefs you had at that point in time - what did you consider important...
• Once you are at that crossroad, ask yourself, "What is my decision? Is it going to be different to what I had taken then?"

Mark my words: 10 times out of 10, you will do the very same thing you did at that time. Remember, when indulging in a "if only..." exercise today, we are using the extra knowledge and experience that time has given us. This extra knowledge and experience has had a significant impact on our beliefs and our attitudes and what we consider important in life. This gives us hindsight, which as well know is quite an exact science.

Employ the following beliefs:

• Believe in yourself! 
• Believe in what you are doing - remember you have all the resources to be at your very best at any given moment. Believe that you are employing all the resources you need at any given moment. 
• Believe that every decision you are taking is for a purpose that makes absolute sense to you at that point of time in your life

Adopt these beliefs and bring them to consciousness each time you find yourself indulging in an "if only..." exercise. It will save you a lot of regrets.